Having a change of heart is one of the hardest things we can do—especially if we’ve been hurt before. When we’ve been burned, it’s natural to put up walls, to guard our hearts, to convince ourselves that we don’t need certain things—like friendships, deep connections, or even forgiveness. But the truth is, we are made for connection. We do need relationships. And no amount of distraction—whether it’s social media, books, podcasts, or entertainment—can truly replace that.

I know this struggle firsthand. Friendships have been hard for me to navigate, and for a long time, I told myself I didn’t really need them. Independence became my shield. But God, in His goodness, placed two incredible friends in my life in adulthood—friends who have challenged me, encouraged me, and taught me lessons about love, grace, and vulnerability.

One of these friends is full of joy—always pushing me beyond my comfort zone, helping me see people through a lens unclouded by past hurts and assumptions. The other is steadfast, strong, and unwilling to compromise truth for the sake of fitting in. She has endured more than most, yet she remains unwavering. Through them, I’ve seen the beauty of deep, meaningful friendship, and I’ve been reminded that connection—true, Christ-centered connection—is worth the risk.

Guarded Hearts and Hard Truths

If you’ve been hurt before, maybe you’ve built walls, too. Maybe it’s hard to trust, hard to open up, hard to let others in. And that’s okay. Healing is a process. But what’s not okay is when we refuse to let our hearts change—when we cling to bitterness, when we hold others to higher standards than we hold ourselves.

I’ll be honest: this is something I struggle with. When someone who hurt me in the past seems to be thriving, I find myself wrestling with resentment. I want to be happy for them—I try to be happy for them—but then the doubts creep in. Why should they have it better than I do? Why does it seem like their life is going so well, when I’m still dealing with the weight of what happened?

But then I remind myself: I don’t see their whole story. I don’t see what’s happening behind closed doors. Maybe their life isn’t as perfect as it seems. Or maybe—just maybe—God is doing something in their heart, just as He is in mine.

And if the roles were reversed? If I were the one who had wronged someone but was now trying to make things right, wouldn’t I want grace? Wouldn’t I want people to see me as more than my past mistakes? Wouldn’t I want a second chance?

The Standard That Matters

Here’s the hard truth: the same standards we hold others to are the ones God will hold us to. And that’s a sobering thought. Because if we’re honest, we often expect more from others than we expect from ourselves.

Jesus made it clear: “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:2)

When we stand before God, He won’t ask us how well we kept track of everyone else’s wrongs. He won’t applaud us for holding grudges. He’ll look at our hearts. And I don’t want mine to be hardened by resentment. I don’t want to be so consumed with keeping score that I miss the grace He’s trying to extend—to me and to others.

So, maybe today is the day to start softening. To start turning our hearts toward heaven. To stop holding others to impossible standards we wouldn’t want placed on ourselves. Because in the end, grace isn’t just something we receive—it’s something we’re called to give.

And maybe, just maybe, a change of heart is the very thing that will set us free.